I’m an upholder. I’m an upholder?
If I would have known this, like in my bones known this, I think I might have done some things differently. Or, maybe not – and since I’m not one for regrets I don’t think I would have done anything differently…
This all makes me think of you.
Which of the four tendencies do you primarily live in? Gretchen Rubin, who wrote The Happiness Project (which I totally recommend) followed that book up with a book about habits – fostering habits that help you become happier or are supportive of your existing happiness. It’s called Better than Before, that’s where the four tendencies come from.
Here they are, straight off of her webpage:
- Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations.
- Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense.
- Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike.
- Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves
So, why care?
I care because it helps me to know that when I commit to something, it’s as good as done. That’s because I readily meet inner and outer expectations. Sure, I have a little of the other three that I can tap into at times but the majority of time I’m an upholder and it shows in how I get things done.
I have a client who is a rebel, and we both know it, which helps a ton! That means when I suggest something she might want to try, because it may help her get the results that she wants, we can expect that she is going to rebel against it! It’s fun to ask her “What does your rebel self think about this?”
In my own life I have to be careful with the commitments I make and the things I say I’m going to do because they will get done (sometimes with hell and high water…). For many years I thought it was about what other people expected, I would have thought I was an Obliger. Nope. At the end of the day I do what I want. What I decide to do.
I’d recommend you consider how you can support the goals you have for yourself by knowing which of the tendencies you work from the majority of them time.
Hint: You’re likely a rebel if you want to blow this off and may think it’s dumb. You’re likely a questioner if you are questioning this recommendation. You’re most likely an obliger if you’re all set to complete the assignment and get an A! If you’re an upholder, like me, you’ll know it for sure when the goal is complete.
So today, as always, my recommendation is to be “on to your self.” Be your own best coach by knowing yourself well and what works (or doesn’t work) for you. For example, if you know that you are a questioner – let yourself question but make sure you choose to get to work at some point. Don’t let the questioning steal the completion.
I’d love to hear what you are, leave a comment below and let me know which of these for tendencies you identify with the most. I’d love to hear from you.
Happy day everyone,