The other night at dinner I was hanging with a group of very smart, talented, and driven women and we were talking about all sorts of things but there was one word that I noticed had too big of a seat at the table.
“Should.”
I had the thought that “should” is a bad word. As fast as that thought came through this one replaced it:
“Should is the most detrimental word.”
Do you feel it?
Let’s use it a few times to check our reactions. “I should have done that differently.” What feeling do you get? … I get regret. Regret is so not helpful and steals the energy out of today.
How about “You should have tried harder to make it work.” How about that one? I get shame. Really not helpful, and again, steals this moments energy to spend it on something in the past that I can’t change.
One more, “I know I should eat better and exercise more.” Where do you feel that one in your body, and what is the feeling you get? I get one of two things – either shame or rebellion.
I think you’re getting it and I want you to practice at least 2 more right now.
- (Give an example where you “should” all over yourself.)
- (Find another one.)
Do you feel that? Do you feel the “shoulds” draining the life out of you? Good news, you’re in charge! You get to decide what thoughts roll through your head so you can update these to ones that work for you, rather than against you. Let’s give one of them an update. Here is a key though, whatever you update them to you HAVE to believe. If you don’t believe the new way you’re thinking then it wont have any power for you.
“I should have done that differently.” Could be “That was exactly what was supposed to happen because it did.” What feels different for you? I get curiosity on that one…
Okay, that’s it. Find your “shoulds” and update them in ways that don’t have you trying to update an impossible to change past so you can enjoy the day you are living in.
Caryn