Do you feel like you’re alone with your struggle? Like the rest of the world eats what they want and they’re just fine, that somehow it works for them, it just doesn’t work for you?
You’re not alone. Sometimes I too sit at my desk under a mountain of to-do’s, with a trip coming up, and so many meetings between now and take-off, and I eat three cookies too. Sometimes even this very week.
The thought “I should have it all figured out” creates the feeling of shame.
Should’s often point to shame. They sound smart in the moment, even practical, but really they are just ways of saying something about the situation isn’t right – it’s wrong.
What does shame get me? Typically – more shame! Yahoo – go tell Brene Brown I’m really nailing it over here! (She’s a shame researcher and author of “The Gifts of Imperfection” which I LOVED.)
Seriously though, shame fuels more shame. When I am feeling ashamed then I am more likely to do things that cause more of that same feeling. It’s a sucky shame spiral!
So then what?
Step 1: Awareness
Knowing that I’m feeling shame and that the thought I’m thinking that creates it, is pretty powerful in and of itself. Sometimes that’s all I need to get me back to neutral brain territory.
Sometimes I need a next step…
Step 2: What am I making it mean?
Often times this is where diet mentality creeps in and we have thoughts like:
“I blew it, this day is ruined, I can’t lose weight.”
“I knew this diet wouldn’t work for me.”
“This is too hard, why can’t I just eat cookies?”
“I’ll never lose this weight.”
“I have no self control.”
And so on and so on. So the next question is “What am I going to make those 3 cookies mean?”
Am I going to make them mean that I’m a failure and quit everything I’ve done (that worked!) just because I feel shame? Am I going to let one thought that led to one feeling derail a whole movement. (Did you catch that? Is the feeling of shame so bad I’d give up everything just to make it go away?)
Hell no! 3 cookies do not mean I am in the wrong place. 3 cookies do not mean “this” doesn’t work for me. 3 cookies do not mean I’ll never lose weight. They are just 3 cookies – they know nothing about me. They don’t know who I am, how I show up in the world, the plans I have, what I’ve accomplished, what I’ve overcome to get to that desk on that day with that gorgeous stack of to-do’s awaiting me.
It’s not about the f*cking cookies.
It’s about what you make your cookies mean about you.
Let’s clean that up, you beautiful badass, because you’ve got work to do and you don’t have time for a lump of caloric content to get in your way.